‘Sparkling Grape Juice’

Sparkling Grape Juice is Old Wedding Tradition

What greater expression of love and fidelity can there be at a traditional wedding than cracking open a bottle of sparkling grape juice and toasting love and fidelity?

When the subject turns to sparkling grape juice, one can’t help but relate moments of love and fidelity expressed at weddings over a glass of the delicious sparkling grape juice liquid. Bubbly, nose tickly, and exquisitely delightful on a hot June afternoon, you will never have a moment’s regret at offering the preacher a drink.

When sparkling grape juice is chosen for the blessed event on the most important of days, it is critical that the sparkling grape juice be tasted in advance. Even though modern weddings often come with refrigeration, sparkling grape juice spoilage has been known to occur.

Since the wedding festivity is so vital for love and fidelity, one should not take lightly the choice of vintage sparkling grape juice. One mustn’t purchase just any old thing available at the local grocery store.

Instead, order the same products from reputable companies featured on prominent websites such as GrapeJelly.org.

In history, the advent of sparkling grape juice at wedding ceremonies began in ancient Greece when the philosopher Plenticus Maximus first began the tradition by passing around the bubbly delicious libation, served in hollowed out bull horns. Indeed, this is where the phrase, “A bull horn of sparkling grape juice” came from. It is a little known fact that sparkling grape juice mixing with the dissolving bull horn innards form a very potent sexual stimulant. While it accentuates the late night nuptials between the newlyweds, it sometimes also creates infidelity amongst the wedding guests. Thus, this old tradition often ended in bloodshed.

When serving sparkling grape juice from bull horns, it is best to proceed carefully and demand that all firearms be left at the door.

Is it best to serve red sparkling grape juice or white sparkling grape juice at weddings? The choice is critical to the logical fulfillment of the contract beween the newlyweds and their guests. The rule of thumb is that if the dinner arrangements be, a fish and goose feast, for example, then the fish always takes precedence, except in Japan, where the goose gets the sparkling grape juice.

White sparkling grape juice is the beverage of choice when one is serving pigs in a blanket, hamburgers and hotdogs. This is traditional fare in the southern climes. In the west, where tofu takes first place in wedding food, it really makes no difference which sparkling grape juice variety is used.

If the master or mistress of the wedding festivities is conflicted, it is permissible to be democratic and serve both white sparkling grape juice or red sparkling grape juice. However, if this is done, there must be monitors available to make sure that none of the guests, who are obviously in a frivolous mood mix their choices. Mixing red sparkling grape juice with white sparkling grape juice has been known to cause gastric difficulties of the first order. Modern science has shown that this is because the relative tannic percentages that occur naturally in sparkling grape juices become disordered in the bowels, and the results are positively explosive!

While some of the coarser lot prefer booze at weddings, the choice of the refined intellectually diligent guests is always sparkling grape juice.

When ordering sparkling grape juice from this website, one must keep in mind quantities. One must compute at least two bottles per guest. So, for example, if the wedding list is around 500 guests, then use the formula 2x(12)/500 to determine the number of cases of sparkling grape juice that, at a minimum must be ordered. To be on the safe side, order equal amounts of red sparkling grape juice and white sparkling grape juice, because some guests never make the connection between fish and goose, and will drink anything available. Do not get caught in the trap of not having enough sparkling grape juice on hand for the blessed event.

Most importantly, advise the waiter staff to not wait on guests to hold their glasses high. Instruct them to refill even partially sipped glasses continuously. This is yet another reason to “over order” sparkling grape juices. Because some glasses will be spilled in the giddiness of the nuptials, these things add up. Think of the embarrasement when someone yells, “Garcon! FILL MY GLASS,” and after a pause, the embarrassed waiter imparts that there is no more sparkling grape juice.

Weddings have known to be ruined, and possible 50 year blissful marriages ended in the blink of an eye, turned into bitter unions for years hence, because slovenly wedding planners under-ordered sparkling grape juice.

Sparkling grape juice is the beverage of choice at weddings, but it can be drank anytime there is thirst, so that even if there is a bottle or two left when the guests have gone, the happiness may continue.

Sparkling grape juice is also good for colicky babies.